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toastie

W:O:A Metalmaster
Jul 11, 2008
22,972
1
81
I got this in an email from my brother today.

I recently asked my friend's little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up. She said she wanted to be President some day. Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, 'If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?' She replied, 'I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people.'

Her parents beamed.

'Wow...what a worthy goal.' I told her, 'But you don't have to wait until you're President to do that. You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and sweep my yard, and I'll pay you $50. Then I'll take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward food and a new house.'

She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, 'Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?'

I said, 'Welcome to the Republican Party.'

Her parents still aren't speaking to me.


Aaaahh!!!!!!!!11!1!!Evil propaganda!!1!1!1!!one!1!1!eleven


:D

Whatever, I'm destroyed, going to bed now. Smell you later guys. :D
 

xforeverxmetalx

W:O:A Metalgod
Dec 29, 2007
97,363
7
123
I was in the express lane at the store quietly fuming. Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the checkout line pushing a cart piled high with groceries.

Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward, looked into the cart and asked sweetly, "So which ten items would you like to buy?"
 

808Metal

W:O:A Metalmaster
Nov 30, 2007
46,286
0
81
Oahu, Hawaii
I was in the express lane at the store quietly fuming. Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the checkout line pushing a cart piled high with groceries.

Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward, looked into the cart and asked sweetly, "So which ten items would you like to buy?"

I like that!
 

xforeverxmetalx

W:O:A Metalgod
Dec 29, 2007
97,363
7
123
When told the reason for daylight saving time the old Indian Chief said... 'Only a white man would believe that you could cut a foot off the top of a blanket and sew it to the bottom of a blanket and have a longer blanket.'

:D:D:D
 

808Metal

W:O:A Metalmaster
Nov 30, 2007
46,286
0
81
Oahu, Hawaii
I got this in an email from my brother today.

I recently asked my friend's little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up. She said she wanted to be President some day. Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, 'If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?' She replied, 'I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people.'

Her parents beamed.

'Wow...what a worthy goal.' I told her, 'But you don't have to wait until you're President to do that. You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and sweep my yard, and I'll pay you $50. Then I'll take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward food and a new house.'

She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, 'Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?'

I said, 'Welcome to the Republican Party.'

Her parents still aren't speaking to me.

I like that!
 

xforeverxmetalx

W:O:A Metalgod
Dec 29, 2007
97,363
7
123
A wife is making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly her husband bursts into the kitchen.

"Careful! Careful! Put in some more butter! You're cooking too many at once. Too many! Turn them! Turn them now! We need more butter! Where are we going to get more butter? They're going to stick! Careful! I said be careful!

"You never listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you crazy? Have you lost your mind? Don't forget to salt them! You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. Use the salt! The salt!"

The wife stares at him. "What the heck is wrong with you?" she asks. "You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

Says her husband calmly, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."
 

xforeverxmetalx

W:O:A Metalgod
Dec 29, 2007
97,363
7
123
A priest, a minister and a guru are discussing the best positions for prayer while a telephone repairman works nearby.

"Kneeling is definitely the best way to pray," the priest says.

"No," says the minister. "I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven."

"You're both wrong," the guru says said. "The most effective prayer position is lying down on the floor."

The repairman could contain himself no longer. "Hey, fellas," he interrupted. "The best praying I ever did was when I was hanging upside down from a telephone pole."
 

808Metal

W:O:A Metalmaster
Nov 30, 2007
46,286
0
81
Oahu, Hawaii
A wife is making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly her husband bursts into the kitchen.

"Careful! Careful! Put in some more butter! You're cooking too many at once. Too many! Turn them! Turn them now! We need more butter! Where are we going to get more butter? They're going to stick! Careful! I said be careful!

"You never listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you crazy? Have you lost your mind? Don't forget to salt them! You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. Use the salt! The salt!"

The wife stares at him. "What the heck is wrong with you?" she asks. "You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

Says her husband calmly, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

:D