150K Before WOA 2010

[xforeverxmetalx]

Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar. After a while, one guy looks at the other and says, "I can't help but think, from listening to you, that you're from Ireland."

The other guy responds proudly, "Yes, that I am!" The first guy says, "So am I! And where about from Ireland might you be?" The other guy answers, "I'm from Dublin, I am."

The conversation grows with astounding similarities in their pasts being revealed until they proclaim they both graduated from the same school in the same year -- and they order another drink.

About this time, another guy walks into the bar, sits down, and orders a beer. The bartender walks over shaking his head and mutters, "It's going to be a long night, the Murphy twins are drinking again"

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

There was a little old lady, who every morning stepped onto her front porch, raised her arms to the sky, and shouted, "Praise the Lord!"

One day an atheist moved into the house next door.
He became irritated at the little old lady.
Every morning he'd step onto his front porch after her and yell, "There is no Lord!"

Time passed with the two of them carrying on this way every day.

One morning, in the middle of winter, the little old lady stepped onto her front porch and shouted: "Praise the Lord! Please Lord, I have no food and I am starving, provide for me, oh Lord!"

The next morning she stepped out onto her porch and there were two huge bags of groceries sitting there.

"Praise the Lord" she cried out. "He has provided food and groceries for me!"

The atheist neighbor jumped out of the hedges and shouted:
"There is no Lord, I bought those groceries!"

The little old lady threw her arms into the air and shouted: "Praise the Lord! He has provided groceries and made the Devil pay for them!"

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

Two drummers and a cymbalist fall off a cliff.

Ba dum -- TSHHH!

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

EXERCISE FOR PEOPLE OVER 50

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side.

With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.

Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags.

Then try 50-lb potato bags and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.

After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

The blonde office worker who got tired of being considered dumb went home one evening and memorized all the state capitals.

Back in the office the next day, a co-worker started telling a dumb blonde joke. The office worker who memorized capitals interrupted him with a shrill announcement.

"I've had it up to here with these blonde jokes," she said. "I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do. I memorized all the state capitals."

One of the men gathered around the water cooler said, "I don't believe you. What is the capital of Nevada?"

She drew herself up with a confident smile on her face. "N," she answered.

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

A very successful politician parked his brand new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues As he got out, a truck came along too close to the curb and completely tore off the driver's door.

Fortunately, a cop in a police car was close enough to see the accident and pulled up behind the Lexus with his lights flashing.

Before the cop had a chance to ask any questions, the politician started screaming hysterically about how his Lexus, which he had just purchased the day before, was completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter how any car body shop tried to make it new again.

After the politician finally wound down from his rant, the cop shook his head in disbelief. "I can't believe how materialistic you politicians are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you neglect the most important things in life."

"How can you say such a thing?" asked the politician.

The cop replied, "Don't you even realize that your left arm is missing? It was severed when the truck hit you!"

"OH, MY GOSH!!!" screamed the politician. "My Rolex!"

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

On opening his new store, a man received a bouquet of flowers. He became dismayed on reading the enclosed card, for it read, "Deepest Sympathy."

While puzzling over the message, his telephone rang. It was the florist, apologizing for having sent the wrong card.

"Oh, it's all right." said the storekeeper. "I'm a businessman and I understand how these things can happen."

"Unfortunately," added the florist, "I accidentally sent your card to a funeral party."

"Well, what did it say?" ask the storekeeper.

"Congratulations on your new location."

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

A clerk in a shoe shop tells the owner that she is getting a good many complaints about a model of shoe that the store has recently begun to sell.

"I think we ought to sell out just as fast as we can," says the clerk. "We could advertise the shoes as a wonderful bargain and lower the price just a bit."

"No, no," says the owner. "I won't make any false representations. I've never done that and I won't start now."

She thinks for a minute. "No," she says, "I just won't do it. It is an inferior grade of shoe, and I will never pass it off as anything better. So do this: Put it in the window and mark it 'A Shoe Fit for a Queen.' A queen doesn't have to do much walking."

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

A pedestrian was walking along the street looking for a better mode of transport, like a bus or tram. He spots a taxi coming in his direction. He stands on the side of the road and shouts: "Taxi!"

The taxi driver drives past and shouts back: "Pedestrian!"

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules:

"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time."

He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60.

Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?"

At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired: "How much for a season pass?"

 

[LooseCannon]

I'd want at least an hour of Sonata

So would I.The crowd chanted them to play more.

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

So would I.The crowd chanted them to play more.

they do that for every band

 

[LooseCannon]

they do that for every band

More than Dragonforce.

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

More than Dragonforce.

 

[808Metal]

Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar. After a while, one guy looks at the other and says, "I can't help but think, from listening to you, that you're from Ireland."

The other guy responds proudly, "Yes, that I am!" The first guy says, "So am I! And where about from Ireland might you be?" The other guy answers, "I'm from Dublin, I am."

The conversation grows with astounding similarities in their pasts being revealed until they proclaim they both graduated from the same school in the same year -- and they order another drink.

About this time, another guy walks into the bar, sits down, and orders a beer. The bartender walks over shaking his head and mutters, "It's going to be a long night, the Murphy twins are drinking again"

That's a classic!