SHIT HAPPENS in various world religions
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Taoism: Shit happens.
If you can shit, it isn't shit.
Shit happens, so flow with it.
Hare Krishna: Shit Happens, Rama Rama Ding Ding.
She-it happens, She-it happens, happens, happens,
she-it, she-it... (Repeat until you become one with she-it) Please this flower and buy our shit.
Confucianism: Confucious say, "Shit happens".
Confucious says, "If shit has to happen, let it happen
PROPERLY."
Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit.
If shit happens, it isn't really happening TO anyone.
Shit will happen again to you next time.
Only he who totally gives up the desire for shit will
have salvation.
Zen: What is the sound of shit happening?
First, shit was shit.
Then it wasn't.
Now I'm one with Zen, and shit is shit again.
7th Day Adventism:
Shit happens on Saturdays.
Hinduism: I've seen this shit happening before.
This shit is not a religion, it is the way of life.
This shit happening IS you.
Protestantism: Let shit happen to someone else!
If shit happens, praise the lord for it.
Presbyterianism: This shit was bound to happen.
Calvinism: Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.
Episcopalianism:If shit happens, hold a procession. It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve theright wine with it.
Methodist:It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve grapejuice with it
Lutheranism: Shit happens, but as long as you're sorry, it's OK.
Have faith that shit will happen.
If shit happens, don't talk about it.
Anglicanism: It's true, shit does happen -- but only to Lutherans.
Quakers:Let us not fight over this shit.Be silent and wait for shit to happen, friend.
Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserved it.
You were born shit, you are shit, and you will die shit.
Charismatic Catholicism: Shit is happening because you deserve it, but we love you anyway.
Judaism:Why does shit always happen just before closing the deal?
Conservative Judaism:Why does shit always happen to US?
Reform Judaism: Got any laxatives?Shit happens to whom it may concern.
Orthodox Judaism: So shit happens, already!
Islam: We don't take any shit.
Sunni Islam: If it happens to be shit, it's Allah's will and you'd
better submit!
Shiite happens.
Shi'ite Islam: WE WILL DESTROY YOUR SHIT!
If shit happens, take a hostage.
Nation of Islam: Don't take no shit!
Bahaism: Why do you keep shitting on us?
Shit happens universally.
All shit is truly shit.
New Age: That's not shit, it's feldspar.
Shit happens, and it happens to smell good.
This isn't shit if I really believe it's chocolate.
I create my own shit.
Visualize shit happening...
Wicca: If shit happened once, it will happen twice more.
The Goddess makes shit happen.
An it harm none, let shit happen.
Jehovah's Witnesses:
No shit happens until Armaggedon.
There is only a limited amount of good shit.
The best shit happens in the Watchtower.
Knock Knock, "Shit Happens."
Here, we insist you take our shit.
Shit happens door to door.
Open the door and I'll show you what shit is.
Good Morning, I have some shit for you to read.
Secular Humanism:
Shit evolves.
Darwinism: Survival of the shittiest.
This shit was once food.
Evolutionism: The world is getting shittier all the time.
Creationism: ... And the Lord said "Let there be shit" ... and there
came piles of it. After six days of this shit, He rested.
Christian Science:
When shit happens, don't call a doctor--pray.
Shit doesn't happen and I am not up to my eyeballs in it.Our shit will take care of itself. Shit happens in your mind.
Atheism: I don't believe this shit!
Shit doesn't happen. Shit is dead.
No shit!
It looks and smells like shit, so I'm damned if I'm going
to taste it.
Religion from an Atheist's point of view:
I haven't smelt, seen, touched, or tasted it. But it's shit.
Agnosticism: It looks and smells like shit, but I haven't tasted it, so I'm not sure whether its shit or not. What is this shit?!
I don't know shit!
How can we KNOW if shit happens?
You can't prove any of this shit!
Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit!
Hey, this is good shit, mon.
Mormonism: If shit happens, shun it.
Let the shit multiply.
Excrement happens. (you can't say 'shit' in Utah)
Hey, there's more shit happening over here!
Shit happens again & again & again ...
Energizer Bunny: Shit happens and happens and happens and ...
Baptist: You are shitting all wrong, and you'll be punished for it.
We'll wash the shit right off you.
Southern Baptist:Shit will happen. Praise the lord!
Shiite Baptist: Shit will happen, but only the way we say it will happen and if it doesn't happen we will make it happen because that's God's will and we know it...
Iraqi Baathist: Oh shit!
Voodoo:Shit doesn't just happen -- somebody dumped it on you. Let's stick some pins in this shit! This shit's gonna get you!
Congregationalism: Shit that happens to one person is just as good as shit that happens to another.
Unitarianism: Shit that happens to one person is just as bad as shit that happens to another. What is this Shit? We affirm the right for shit to happen. Go ahead, shit anywhere you want. It's not the shit that matters. It's the process. Come let us reason together about this shit.
Unitarian Universalism: There is only one shit and it happens to all of us.
Orthodox:St. Sergius found his faith in deep shit.
Greek Orthodox: Shit happens, usually in threes.
EST: am at cause that shit will not happen.You're responsible for all the shit that happens.
Fundamentalism: There's no shit in the Bible.
If shit happens, you will go to hell, unless you are
born again. (Amen!)
Shit happens, but don't publish it.
Twelve Step: Shit happens one day at a time.
Mennonite: None of this modern shit now.
Anabaptist: Shit only happens to adults.
Amish: Shit is good for the soil.
This modern shit is worthless.
We like the same old shit the best.
Native Americans: Shit is sacred when it happens.
Shintoism:You inherit the shit of your ancestors. Shit is everywhere. So as long as you're stepping in it, show it some respect.
Moonies: Only happy shit really happens.
Manichaeism: How can Shit be Happening?
There's good shit, and bad shit. But it's all shit.
Zoroastrianism: Shit happens half the time.
Christianity stole half its shit from us.
Mysticism: This is really weird shit.
Paganism: Sht happens for a variety of reasons.
Celtic Paganism: Shit, go bragh!
Graeco-Roman Mythology: The Gods will tell us when Shit happens.
Rajhneesh: Give us your shit and put on this orange shit.
Rosicrucianism:What is this AMORC shit?
Satanism: We hope bad shit happens to all of you.
We will make your shit happen.
Shit doesn't just happen... it's created by an asshole.
What's wrong with shit happening?
SNEPPAH TIHS.
Witchcraft:Mix this shit together and it will happen!
Scientology: All this happens to be shit.
If you leave us, bad shit will happen to you.
This shit happened before, but we can clean it up if you
pay us enough.
Shamanism: Whoaa...Holy Shit! Only some can see the real shit.
Sikhism: Leave our shit alone.
Moilanenism: Smells like shit of finnish fish.
Sureshism: You are all pieces of shit.
Lubavitcher Hassidism: Blessed are they upon whom He sends His most holy Shit to happen.
Mithraism: Bull shit happens.
Dominicans: Belive in shit, or we'll boil you in it.
Epiphenomenalism: Shit's in the air and falling down.
Eschatology: You think shit happens now, you just wait...
Illuminism: We make shit happen.
Jainism: Don't step on that shit, it's alive!
Solipsism: All this shit is a creation of my imagination.
Druidism: Shit Happens. The Trees say so.
Branch Davidianism:May shit happen to the FBI!
If shit happens, have a BIG barbecue...
David thinks he's hot shit.
Jesuitism:If shit happens and nobody hears it, did it really make a sound?
Creation Science: Shit has only been happening since October 23rd 4004 B.C.
Discordianism: Shit makes the flowers grow and that's beautiful.
This MIGHT be shit, but is instead a fuzzy 1973Mustang.
Deism: God does not make shit happen.
Kibology: What's shit, and where can I get some?
Great Leader Kibo makes shit happen.
Astrology:Jupiter is being really shitty to me today.
Spam: Spam happens.
Transcendental meditation: Shiiiit. Shiiiit. Shiiiit....
SubGenius: Shit has happened. For $20 "BoB" will sell you a way to MAKE MONEY FROM IT.
Televangelism: Your tax-deductible donation could make this shit stop happening... Shit your way to a better life.
Dianetics: "Why does shit happen?" (p. 157)
