Jokes!
- Ersteller argon factor
- Erstellt am
-
Als neues Loginsystem benutzen wir die Wacken.ID. Damit du deinen jetzigen Account im Wacken Forum mit der Wacken.ID verknüpfen kannst, klicke bitte auf den Link und trage deine E-Mail Adresse ein, die du auch hier im Forum benutzt. Ein User mit deinem Benutzernamen und deiner E-Mail Adresse wird dann automatisch angelegt. Du bekommst dann eine E-Mail und musst deine Wacken.ID bestätigen.
Sollte es Probleme geben, schreibt uns bitte.
Klicke hier, um deinen Account in eine Wacken.ID zu migrireren.
There once was a bear and a rabbit that hated each other. One day, they found a genie in a lamp who said he would grant them each three wishes.The bear went first and he said,"I wish to be the only male bear in this forrest." And he got his wish.
The rabbit said, "I want a motercycle helmet." And he got his wish.
The bear went up and said, "I wish to be the only male bear in the United States, and all the rest to be female." And he got his wish.
The rabbit said, "I wish I had a motorcycle to go with that helmet." And he got his wish.
The bear said, "I wish I was the only male bear in the world, and all the rest were females." And he got his wish.
It was the rabbit's turn, and he said, "I wish that bear was gay."
The rabbit said, "I want a motercycle helmet." And he got his wish.
The bear went up and said, "I wish to be the only male bear in the United States, and all the rest to be female." And he got his wish.
The rabbit said, "I wish I had a motorcycle to go with that helmet." And he got his wish.
The bear said, "I wish I was the only male bear in the world, and all the rest were females." And he got his wish.
It was the rabbit's turn, and he said, "I wish that bear was gay."
*rofl* This one is pretty cool 
A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when he came upon a small house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, grey beard. "I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?"
"Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter, I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man."
"Ok," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house.
Before dinner, the daughter came down the stairs. She was young,beautiful, and had a fantastic figure. She was obviously attracted to the young man since she couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old man's warning, he ignored her and went up to bed alone. But during he night, he could bear it no longer, and sneaked into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn't hear. Near dawn he crept back to his room, exhausted, but happy.
He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, "Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest." "Well, that's pretty crappy," he thought. "If that's the best the old man can do then I don't have much to worry about." He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw the boulder out. As he did so he noticed another note on it that read: "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle." In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already getting close to the end. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the boulder. As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bedpost."
A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when he came upon a small house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, grey beard. "I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?"
"Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter, I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man."
"Ok," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house.
Before dinner, the daughter came down the stairs. She was young,beautiful, and had a fantastic figure. She was obviously attracted to the young man since she couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old man's warning, he ignored her and went up to bed alone. But during he night, he could bear it no longer, and sneaked into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn't hear. Near dawn he crept back to his room, exhausted, but happy.
He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, "Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest." "Well, that's pretty crappy," he thought. "If that's the best the old man can do then I don't have much to worry about." He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw the boulder out. As he did so he noticed another note on it that read: "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle." In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already getting close to the end. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the boulder. As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bedpost."
One day George W. Bush and Dick Cheney walk into a diner. A waitress walks up to them and asks if she can take their order. Bush leans close to her and says, "Honey, can I have a quickie?"
The waitress is appalled and yells at the president about women's rights and then storms away, Cheney then says to Bush, "George, its pronounced quiche."
The waitress is appalled and yells at the president about women's rights and then storms away, Cheney then says to Bush, "George, its pronounced quiche."
"Doc," says Steve, "I want to be castrated."
"What on earth for?" asks the doctor in amazement.
"It's something I've been thinking about for a long time and I want to have it done" replies Steve.
"But have you thought it through properly?" asks the doctor, "It's a very serious operation and once it's done, there's no going back. It will change your life forever!"
"I'm aware of that and you're not going to change my mind -- either you book me in to be castrated or I'll simply go to another doctor."
"Well, OK.", says the doctor, "But it's against my better judgment!"
So Steve has his operation, and the next day he is up and walking very slowly, legs apart, down the hospital corridor with his drip stand. Heading towards him is another patient, who is walking exactly the same way.
"Hi there," says Steve,"It looks as if you've just had the same operation as me."
"Well," said the patient, "I finally decided after 37 years of life that I would like to be circumcised."
Steve stared at him in horror and screamed, "Shit! THAT'S the word!”
"What on earth for?" asks the doctor in amazement.
"It's something I've been thinking about for a long time and I want to have it done" replies Steve.
"But have you thought it through properly?" asks the doctor, "It's a very serious operation and once it's done, there's no going back. It will change your life forever!"
"I'm aware of that and you're not going to change my mind -- either you book me in to be castrated or I'll simply go to another doctor."
"Well, OK.", says the doctor, "But it's against my better judgment!"
So Steve has his operation, and the next day he is up and walking very slowly, legs apart, down the hospital corridor with his drip stand. Heading towards him is another patient, who is walking exactly the same way.
"Hi there," says Steve,"It looks as if you've just had the same operation as me."
"Well," said the patient, "I finally decided after 37 years of life that I would like to be circumcised."
Steve stared at him in horror and screamed, "Shit! THAT'S the word!”
A couple has returned from their honeymoon and it was obvious to everyone that they are not talking to each other. The groom's best man takes him aside and asks what's wrong.
"Well," replied the man "when we had finished making love on the first night, as I got up to go to the bathroom, I put a $50 bill on the pillow without thinking."
"Oh, you shouldn't worry about that too much," said his friend. "I'm sure your wife will get over it soon enough - she can't expect you to have been saving yourself all these years!"
The groom nodded gently and said, "I don't know if I can get over this though: She gave me $20 change!''
"Well," replied the man "when we had finished making love on the first night, as I got up to go to the bathroom, I put a $50 bill on the pillow without thinking."
"Oh, you shouldn't worry about that too much," said his friend. "I'm sure your wife will get over it soon enough - she can't expect you to have been saving yourself all these years!"
The groom nodded gently and said, "I don't know if I can get over this though: She gave me $20 change!''
Sodomy&Lust
W:O:A Metalmaster
The doctor to the patient: 'You are very sick'
The patient to the doctor: 'Can I get a second opinion?'
The doctor again: 'Yes, you are very ugly too...'
The patient to the doctor: 'Can I get a second opinion?'
The doctor again: 'Yes, you are very ugly too...'
Sodomy&Lust
W:O:A Metalmaster
(although I still don't know what a G-Spot is)
TOP TEN THINGS MEN WOULD DO IF THEY WOKE UP WITH A VAGINA FOR A DAY...
10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.
9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.
8. See if they could finally do the splits.
7. See if it's truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet.
6. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch.
5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes ... BEFORE closing time.
4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first.
3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video.
2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too.
1. Finally find that damned G-spot.
TOP TEN THINGS MEN WOULD DO IF THEY WOKE UP WITH A VAGINA FOR A DAY...
10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.
9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.
8. See if they could finally do the splits.
7. See if it's truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet.
6. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch.
5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes ... BEFORE closing time.
4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first.
3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video.
2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too.
1. Finally find that damned G-spot.
bwahahah! but what would women do with penises!?
what do you do if you get lost in an icelandic forest?
... stand up!
what do you do if you get lost in an icelandic forest?
... stand up!
I don't get it . . .
PIRATE JOKES RULE!!!!
Five pirates and one woman wash up on a desert island after a shipwreck.
Before long they are all getting pretty horny so they all make a deal.
Each pirate will marry the woman for one week at a time, at which point the next pirate in line will marry her and so on.
All the pirates get sex every five weeks and the woman gets sex as often as she wants with a different pirate each week.
The situation works wonderfully for five years. When the woman suddenly dies...
The first week after wasn't too bad.
The second week was getting sort of bad.
The third week was getting pretty bad.
The fourth week was really bad.
The fifth week was horrible!
By the sixth week it was unbearable...
So they buried her.
Five pirates and one woman wash up on a desert island after a shipwreck.
Before long they are all getting pretty horny so they all make a deal.
Each pirate will marry the woman for one week at a time, at which point the next pirate in line will marry her and so on.
All the pirates get sex every five weeks and the woman gets sex as often as she wants with a different pirate each week.
The situation works wonderfully for five years. When the woman suddenly dies...
The first week after wasn't too bad.
The second week was getting sort of bad.
The third week was getting pretty bad.
The fourth week was really bad.
The fifth week was horrible!
By the sixth week it was unbearable...
So they buried her.