Alright, so I've been entertaining the idea of completely replacing my laptop rather than having it repaired.
Long story short: I have to use an external keyboard with this laptop because half the keys don't work. Only solution is to send it in and have it repaired under warranty. Which they say takes up to two weeks, but given the company's reputation, it'll be longer. It's an Acer. Which also has a horrible reputation as a laptop manufacturer in general. I haven't had this thing for a year and already it's acting up, so it seems mine is unlike others. Also common with Acer products is not only having to have it repaired once, but multiple times. So I fear that that this isn't going to be the only issue I have with it.
(Actually, it already isn't the only issue - I can't install Windows updates either, and trust me, I've tried EVERYTHING)