50,000 before W:O:A 2009!

[xforeverxmetalx]

If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy!

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

If you ever feel like you're on the verge of a nervous breakdown, just follow these simple rules: First, calm down; second, come over and wash my car; third, shine all my shoes. There, isn't that better?

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

If you ever go temporarily insane, don't shoot somebody, like a lot of people do. Instead, try to get some weeding done, because you'd really be surprised.

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

If you ever teach a yodeling class, probably the hardest thing is to keep the students from just trying to yodel right off. You see, we build to that.

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

If you go flying back through time, and you see somebody else flying forward into the future, it's probably best to avoid eye contact.

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and you friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming.

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

If you go through a lot of hammers each month, I don't think it necessarily means you're a hard worker. It may just mean that you have a lot to learn about proper hammer maintenance.

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

If you had a school for professional fireworks people, I don't think you could cover fuses in just one class. It's just too rich a subject.

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins the most? I'd say Flippy, wouldn't you? You'd be wrong, though. It's Hambone.

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

If you see an animal and you can't tell if it's a skunk or a cat, here's a good saying to help: "Black-and-white, stinks all right. Tabby-colored, likes a fella."

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength... I hate to tell you this, but that's another weakness.

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

If you wear a toupee, why not let your friends try it on for a while? Come on, we're not going to hurt it.

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

If you were a gladiator in olden days, I bet the inefficiency of how the gladiator fights were organized and scheduled would just drive you up a wall.

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

If you were a poor Indian with no weapons, and a bunch of conquistadors came up to you and asked where the gold was, I don't think it would be a good idea to say, "I swallowed it. So sue me."

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

If you're a blacksmith, probably the proudest day of your life is when you get your first anvil. How innocent you are, little blacksmith.