TWISTED TALK
Man : You remind me of the sea.
Woman : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
Man : No, because you make me sick.
Wife : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
Husband : You tell a woman something, It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.
Mary : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly. What do u think, Peter?
Peter : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.
Peter : Mom, does God use our bathroom?
Mother : No, Peter. Why?
Peter : Because Daddy bangs on the door every morning and yells, "Oh god, are you still there?"
Customer : How much is that tie?
Salesman : Forty dollars.
Customer : Why, I can buy a pair of shoes with that much money.
Salesman : But how would a pair of shoes look around your neck.
Jimmy : Mom, can I have two pieces of cake?
Mom : Certainly. Take this piece and cut it in two.
Woman : How can I ever repay you for your kindness and consideration to me?
Man : By cheque, money order or cash.
Sam : I hate to see a girl standing in a bus when I am comfortably seated.
Lily : So what do you do?
Sam : I close my eyes.
Teacher : Have you given the goldfish fresh water?
Pupil : No, Sir. They haven't finished the water I gave them last week.
Mom : Why are you wiping the floor with that cake?
Son : Well, it's a sponge cake, isn't it?
Man : I'm new around here. Will you please direct me to the bank?
Little boy : I will, but only if you pay me ten dollars.
Man : Why should I pay you so much?
Little boy : Because bank directors are always highly paid.
Man : You remind me of the sea.
Woman : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
Man : No, because you make me sick.
Wife : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
Husband : You tell a woman something, It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.
Mary : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly. What do u think, Peter?
Peter : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.
Peter : Mom, does God use our bathroom?
Mother : No, Peter. Why?
Peter : Because Daddy bangs on the door every morning and yells, "Oh god, are you still there?"
Customer : How much is that tie?
Salesman : Forty dollars.
Customer : Why, I can buy a pair of shoes with that much money.
Salesman : But how would a pair of shoes look around your neck.
Jimmy : Mom, can I have two pieces of cake?
Mom : Certainly. Take this piece and cut it in two.
Woman : How can I ever repay you for your kindness and consideration to me?
Man : By cheque, money order or cash.
Sam : I hate to see a girl standing in a bus when I am comfortably seated.
Lily : So what do you do?
Sam : I close my eyes.
Teacher : Have you given the goldfish fresh water?
Pupil : No, Sir. They haven't finished the water I gave them last week.
Mom : Why are you wiping the floor with that cake?
Son : Well, it's a sponge cake, isn't it?
Man : I'm new around here. Will you please direct me to the bank?
Little boy : I will, but only if you pay me ten dollars.
Man : Why should I pay you so much?
Little boy : Because bank directors are always highly paid.
