Hit 5,000 before WOA 2003?
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I hope I never have that problem! (although I don't like my nickname)
Sodomy&Lust
W:O:A Metalmaster
Neonism
W:O:A Metalhead
Sodomy&Lust
W:O:A Metalmaster
It's me who'll pass him!
Neonism
W:O:A Metalhead
BlueOyster
W:O:A Metalhead
I'll start with some Father Ted scripts... the Monty Python scripts were great 
Father Ted
Episode: Are you right there, Father Ted?
EPISODE STARTS WITH AN OUTSIDE SHOT OF A BUILDING AND THE WORDS, "CASTLELAWN
PAROCHIAL HOUSE, DUBLIN" DISPLAYED ON SCREEN. CAMERA THEN GOES TO INSIDE THE
HOUSE WHERE FATHER TED IS WRITING AT A TABLE. TWO OTHER MEN ARE IN THE ROOM.
TED: What about Tuesday? Can you do the eleven o' clock mass?
OLDER PRIEST: Ted, I'll do the eleven and the twelve. You should have a rest after that weekend
away.
TED: Well, Paris does tend to take it out of me.
YOUNGER PRIEST ENTERS DRESSED IN TENNIS CLOTHES
YOUNGER PRIEST: I'm off for a game. Ted, care to join me?
TED: No thanks Darren. What time are we going to Curragh for the races?
YOUNGER PRIEST: I suppose after lunch. Oh, Mrs. Dunn hopes you like pheasant!
TED: I love pheasant.
Father Ted
Episode: Are you right there, Father Ted?
EPISODE STARTS WITH AN OUTSIDE SHOT OF A BUILDING AND THE WORDS, "CASTLELAWN
PAROCHIAL HOUSE, DUBLIN" DISPLAYED ON SCREEN. CAMERA THEN GOES TO INSIDE THE
HOUSE WHERE FATHER TED IS WRITING AT A TABLE. TWO OTHER MEN ARE IN THE ROOM.
TED: What about Tuesday? Can you do the eleven o' clock mass?
OLDER PRIEST: Ted, I'll do the eleven and the twelve. You should have a rest after that weekend
away.
TED: Well, Paris does tend to take it out of me.
YOUNGER PRIEST ENTERS DRESSED IN TENNIS CLOTHES
YOUNGER PRIEST: I'm off for a game. Ted, care to join me?
TED: No thanks Darren. What time are we going to Curragh for the races?
YOUNGER PRIEST: I suppose after lunch. Oh, Mrs. Dunn hopes you like pheasant!
TED: I love pheasant.
YOUNGER PRIEST LEAVES ROOM
TED: This is what it's all about, a fine port, beautiful surroundings and intelligent company!
OLDER PRIEST: Did you not have all that at your last parish?
TED: (bitterly) No.
OLDER PRIEST: Dublin seems to suit you though, you've got a new-found gleam in your eye.
TED: Ah yes! I shall be staying here for a good while. As long as I don't mess it up for myself
by doing something stupid.
PARISH ACCOUNTANT: Most of these accountants seem in order Father Smith. But I wonder
could I ask Father Crilly about one or two of these things that he's put down under expenses.
CAMERA GOES TO THE FRONT DOOR OF THE CRAGGY ISLAND PAROCHIAL HOUSE WHICH
FATHER DOUGAL MAGUIRE OPENS
TED: This is what it's all about, a fine port, beautiful surroundings and intelligent company!
OLDER PRIEST: Did you not have all that at your last parish?
TED: (bitterly) No.
OLDER PRIEST: Dublin seems to suit you though, you've got a new-found gleam in your eye.
TED: Ah yes! I shall be staying here for a good while. As long as I don't mess it up for myself
by doing something stupid.
PARISH ACCOUNTANT: Most of these accountants seem in order Father Smith. But I wonder
could I ask Father Crilly about one or two of these things that he's put down under expenses.
CAMERA GOES TO THE FRONT DOOR OF THE CRAGGY ISLAND PAROCHIAL HOUSE WHICH
FATHER DOUGAL MAGUIRE OPENS
DOUGAL: TED!
CAMERA PULLS BACK TO SHOW FATHER TED CRILLY STANDING IN THE RAIN WITH LUGGAGE.
MUSIC PLAYS.TED IS SITTING AT THE TABLE IN THE FRONT ROOM OF THE CRAGGY ISLAND
PAROCHIAL HOUSE. HE HAS HIS ARMS FOLDED AND A FRUSTRATED LOOK ON HIS FACE.
DOUGAL IS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROOM WITH A HAMSTER CAGE.
TED: What is making that incredibly annoying noise?
DOUGAL: Oh that's Ronaldo. I was a bit lonely without you Ted so I got a hamster instead.
TED: Yes, can I ask though, does he ever stop running in that feckin wheel?
DOUGAL: No. He's had to use the wheel ever since he rode this into his feed tray. (Dougal
holds up a miniature bicycle) But don't worry Ted, I think there's just something wrong with the
brakes.
CAMERA PULLS BACK TO SHOW FATHER TED CRILLY STANDING IN THE RAIN WITH LUGGAGE.
MUSIC PLAYS.TED IS SITTING AT THE TABLE IN THE FRONT ROOM OF THE CRAGGY ISLAND
PAROCHIAL HOUSE. HE HAS HIS ARMS FOLDED AND A FRUSTRATED LOOK ON HIS FACE.
DOUGAL IS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROOM WITH A HAMSTER CAGE.
TED: What is making that incredibly annoying noise?
DOUGAL: Oh that's Ronaldo. I was a bit lonely without you Ted so I got a hamster instead.
TED: Yes, can I ask though, does he ever stop running in that feckin wheel?
DOUGAL: No. He's had to use the wheel ever since he rode this into his feed tray. (Dougal
holds up a miniature bicycle) But don't worry Ted, I think there's just something wrong with the
brakes.
FATHER JACK GETS OUT OF A LARGE WOODEN BOX, TAKES A PACKET OF CIGARETTES FROM THE TABLE AND RETURNS TO THE BOX.
TED: How long has Father Jack been living in there?
DOUGAL: He started just a few days after you left.
TED: Maybe he's agrophobic.
DOUGAL: Jack? Scared of fighting? I don't think so Ted.
TED GETS UP AND LOOKS OUT THE WINDOW. MRS. DOYLE FALLS PAST THE WINDOW SCREAMING.
TED: Mrs. Doyle just fell off the roof. I think I'll go out Dougal and visit Father Fitzpatrick. I think he has a book belonging to me.
TED: How long has Father Jack been living in there?
DOUGAL: He started just a few days after you left.
TED: Maybe he's agrophobic.
DOUGAL: Jack? Scared of fighting? I don't think so Ted.
TED GETS UP AND LOOKS OUT THE WINDOW. MRS. DOYLE FALLS PAST THE WINDOW SCREAMING.
TED: Mrs. Doyle just fell off the roof. I think I'll go out Dougal and visit Father Fitzpatrick. I think he has a book belonging to me.
THE NEXT SCENE SHOWS FATHER TED AND FATHER FITZPATRICK INFRONT OF A BOOKCASE
AT FATHER FITZPATRICK'S PAROCHIAL HOUSE. FATHER FITZPATRICK IS LOOKING THROUGH
THE BOOKS.
FATHER FITZPATRICK: Let's see now, Humanae Vitae, you know sometimes I leaf through this
to see just how far we've come. Celebration of the Christian Mysteries, Daeus Canida, Benthro
Mepilo, ah; Stephen King's The Shining.
TED: Well, thanks for the tea Father. See you the next time we emm.. we emm.. Sorry about
this Father, I hope you don't mind me asking but em, what have you got a padlock on that door
for? Is there something top secret in there?
FATHER FITZPATRICK: My collection.
TED: Oh yes, that's right, what is this you collect, it's war memorabelia.
FATHER FITZPATRICK: That's right, would you like to have a look?
TED: Oh I'd love to.
AT FATHER FITZPATRICK'S PAROCHIAL HOUSE. FATHER FITZPATRICK IS LOOKING THROUGH
THE BOOKS.
FATHER FITZPATRICK: Let's see now, Humanae Vitae, you know sometimes I leaf through this
to see just how far we've come. Celebration of the Christian Mysteries, Daeus Canida, Benthro
Mepilo, ah; Stephen King's The Shining.
TED: Well, thanks for the tea Father. See you the next time we emm.. we emm.. Sorry about
this Father, I hope you don't mind me asking but em, what have you got a padlock on that door
for? Is there something top secret in there?
FATHER FITZPATRICK: My collection.
TED: Oh yes, that's right, what is this you collect, it's war memorabelia.
FATHER FITZPATRICK: That's right, would you like to have a look?
TED: Oh I'd love to.
FATHER FITZPATRICK AND FATHER TED ENTER THE PADLOCKED ROOM AND START LOOKING
AT A DISPLAY.
FATHER FITZPATRICK: Taken from the German advance on Russia, you can see where the
hammer hits the shell casing.
TED: Gosh, that's very interesting.
FATHER FITZPATRICK: These are helmets, mostly infantry.
TED: Yes, these would be German aswell wouldn't they?
FATHER FITZPATRICK: That's right.
TED: You don't have anything from the allied side?
FATHER FITZPATRICK: No, no. That sort of thing wouldn't interest me at all I'm afraid.
AT A DISPLAY.
FATHER FITZPATRICK: Taken from the German advance on Russia, you can see where the
hammer hits the shell casing.
TED: Gosh, that's very interesting.
FATHER FITZPATRICK: These are helmets, mostly infantry.
TED: Yes, these would be German aswell wouldn't they?
FATHER FITZPATRICK: That's right.
TED: You don't have anything from the allied side?
FATHER FITZPATRICK: No, no. That sort of thing wouldn't interest me at all I'm afraid.
THE CAMERA SWITCHES POSITIONS AND THE REST OF THE ROOM IS NOW SHOWN. THE
ROOM IS DECORATED WITH NAZI BANNERS, PICTURES OF HITLER, AND LIT CANDLES. AN
OLD MAN SITS IN THE CORNER.
TED: That's my curiosity satisfied.
FATHER FITZPATRICK: And this is the last photograph taken of Heir Hitler. He's signing a few
death warrants there.
TED: Funny, how he got more right wing as he got older! Right well, great. This is all wonderful
stuff.
FATHER FITZPATRICK: You know some people when they see it, they're not too sure but you
seem genuinely interested.
TED: OH I AM genuinely interested.
ROOM IS DECORATED WITH NAZI BANNERS, PICTURES OF HITLER, AND LIT CANDLES. AN
OLD MAN SITS IN THE CORNER.
TED: That's my curiosity satisfied.
FATHER FITZPATRICK: And this is the last photograph taken of Heir Hitler. He's signing a few
death warrants there.
TED: Funny, how he got more right wing as he got older! Right well, great. This is all wonderful
stuff.
FATHER FITZPATRICK: You know some people when they see it, they're not too sure but you
seem genuinely interested.
TED: OH I AM genuinely interested.