50,000 before W:O:A 2009!

[xforeverxmetalx]

If you're a cowboy, and you're dragging a guy behind your horse, I bet it would really make you mad if you looked back and the guy was reading a magazine.

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

If you're a horse, and someone gets on you, and falls off, and then gets right back on you, I think you should buck him off right away.

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

If you're a Thanksgiving dinner, but you don't like the stuffing or the cranberry sauce or anything else, just pretend like you're eating it, but instead, put it all in your lap and form it into a big mushy ball. Then, later, when you're out back hanging out, let out a big fake cough and throw the ball to the ground.

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

If you're a young Mafia gangster out on your first date, I bet it's real embarrassing if someone tries to kill you.

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

If you're an archeologist, I bet it's real embarrassing to put together a skull from a bunch of ancient bone fragments, but then it turns out it's not a skull, but just an old dried-out potato.

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

If you're ever selling your house, and some people come by, and a big rat comes out and he's dragging the rat trap because it didn't quite kill him, just tell the people he's your pet and that's a trick you taught him.

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

If you're ever stuck in some thick undergrowth, in your underwear, don't stop and start thinking of what other words have "under" in them, because that's probably the first sign of jungle madness.

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

If you're in a boxing match, try not to let the other guy's glove touch your lips, because you don't know where that glove has been.

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at some guys, throw one of those little baby-type pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think of how crazy war is, and while they're thinking, you can throw a real grenade.

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

If you're robbing a bank and your pants fall down, I think it's okay to laugh and to let the hostages laugh too, because, come on, life is funny.

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

If you're travelling in a time machine, and you're eating corn on the cob, I don't think it's going to affect things one way or the other. But here's the point I'm trying to make: Corn on the cob is good, isn't it.

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

If your friend is already dead, and being eaten by vultures, I think it's okay to feed some bits of your friend to one of the vultures, to teach him to do some tricks. But only if you're serious about adopting the vulture.

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

If your kid makes one of those little homemade guitars out of a matchbox and rubber bands, don't let him just play it once or twice and then throw it away. Make him practice on it, every day, for about three hours a day. Later, he'll thank you.

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

Instead of a Seeing Eye dog, what about a gun? It's cheaper than a dog, plus if you walk around shooting all the time people are going to get out of the way. Cars, too!

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

Instead of a trap door, what about a trap window? The guy looks out it, and if he leans too far, he falls out. Wait, I guess that's like a regular window.