50,000 before W:O:A 2009!

[xforeverxmetalx]

A good way to keep a mob of peasants from killing your monster is when they break into your castle, make them be real quiet, then open a door and there's the monster, sound asleep.

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. "Hear that?" you say. "That's dynamite."

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

People don't automatically get my respect. They have to get down in the dirt and beg for it.

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

A quiz: If I am my brother's sister, who am I? (Answer: me)

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

After I die, wherever my spirit goes, I'm going to try to get back and visit my corpse at least once a year, because, "Hey, old buddy, how's it going?"

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

Ambition is like a frog sitting on a Venus flytrap. The flytrap can bite and bite, but it won't bother the frog because it only has little tiny plant teeth. But some other stuff could happen and it could be like ambition.

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone's neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because, hey, what is that thing?

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very pleasurable... until I realized it wasn't a nectarine at all, but a human head!

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

As the evening sky faded from a salmon color to a sort of flint gray, I thought back to the salmon I caught that morning, and how gray he was, and how I named him Flint.

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life. Was it nothing more than a bunch of honking and yelling? Sometimes it seemed that way.

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

As we were driving, we saw a sign that said "Watch for Rocks." Marta said it should read "Watch for Pretty Rocks." I told her she should write in her suggestion to the highway department, but she started saying it was a joke, just to get out of writing a simple letter! And I thought I was lazy!

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

At first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would be a dentist, because you could save money on tooth X-rays. But then I thought, if a patient said, "How's my back tooth?" and you just looked at it with your X-ray vision and said, "Oh it's okay," then the patient would probably say, "Aren't you going to take an X-ray, stupid?" and you'd say, "Aw, get outta here," and then he probably wouldn't even pay his bill.

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

Better not take a dog on the space shuttle, because if he sticks his head out when you're coming home, his face might burn up.

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

Children need encouragement. If a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way he develops a good, lucky feeling.

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

Consider the daffodil. And while you're doing that, I'll be over here, looking through your stuff.