250,000 before W:O:A 09!

[xforeverxmetalx]

The toilets at a local police station have been stolen. Police say they have nothing to go on.

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

I'd kill for the Nobel Peace Prize.

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names. But one day I turned to my bullies and said, "Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me", and it worked! From there on it was sticks and stones all the way.

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

My dad used to say "always fight fire with fire", which is probably why he got thrown out of the the fire brigade.

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

Police arrested two kids yesterday; one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the heck she is.

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

I slept like a log last night. I woke up in the fireplace.

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

I had a dream last night that I was eating a ten pound marshmallow. I woke up and the pillow was gone.

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen reading 'Parking Fine'. So that was nice.

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he said "You've been promoted." And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said "You've been promoted again." And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said "You're managing director." And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said "What happened to you?" And I said "I careered off the road."

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mom or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin.

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

So I went to the dentist. He said, "Say 'aaaaah'." I said, "Why?" He said, "My dog's dead."

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

It's strange, isn't it? You stand in the middle of a library and go "aaaaaagghhh!" and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

 

[xforeverxmetalx]

The first half of our life is ruined by our parents, and the second half by our children.