Special High Intensity Training

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Interoffice memo:

SUBJECT: SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING


In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through the initiation of a SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T.) Program. This program will ensure that we continue to give our employees more S.H.I.T. than anyone else.

If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the job, please see your Manager. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list, as our Managers are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.

Employees who don't take their S.H.I.T. will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T.). Those who fail to take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T. seriously will subsequently have to attend EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T S.H.I.T.). Since our Managers took S.H.I.T. before they were promoted, they don't have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, as they are all full of S.H.I.T. already.

If you, yourself, are full of S.H.I.T., you may be interested in a position training others. We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST (B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.). Those who are full of B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T. will get all the S.H.I.T. jobs, and can apply for promotion with the DIRECTOR OF INTENSITY PROGRAMMING (D.I.P. S.H.I.T.).

If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TRAINING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.).

Thank you,

BOSS IN GENERAL
SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING
(B.I.G. S.H.I.T.)